So it’s a bit of a taboo subject, especially for us Brits but I’m going to talk about *whispers* S-E-X. Not in a kinky way, and mum if you’re reading this I’m sorry to break the bubble that the girls weren’t an immaculate conception 😉
I found myself thinking tonight how sex in a relationship changes, I mean lets face it in the earlier days it’s new and you’re discovering each other, what the other likes, doesn’t like, maybe they have a weird fetish, I don’t know; I’m not judging (you know, so long as it’s legal). It’s natural that over time the sex will change a bit but the biggest change will be after kids. It’s not always things you’re expecting either.
For example, when I was pregnant I figured once that baby (first baby in this case) had busted out of downstairs ruining my once neat and tidy foof, I wouldn’t be wanting to DTD (do the deed) for many, many months afterwards. However, seeing my husband transformed into a dad, seeing him dote on his girls, and be so hands on and attentive, that is sexy as fresh chocolate fudge cake to me. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t walk out of the hospital gagging for it, but I was not expecting the aphrodisiac that is a hands on dad. In fact, since becoming a mum I look at celebrity dads in a whole new way, if I see a celebrity dad being all hands on (as I think every dad should be) I get all hot under the collar, it also helps that dad’s like Chris Hemsworth is a day’mn fine Thor.
Also I figured my hubby would be a bit emotionally scarred at having witness me shit myself whilst pushing a watermelon from my vajayjay and simultaneously turn a giant bath into a bath of bloody horror. Not to mention the weird boobs, the jelly belly and all the other joys that come with the post baby body, but he felt the exact way I did which was a bonus.
The hardest thing is the tiredness, and I also worried about feeling self conscious but I realised I grew another human (a pretty cute one at that), my body doesn’t offend my husband (and if it did I’d knee him in the balls) so I embraced it. Yes maybe I wouldn’t be rocking a sexy Ann Summers number for some time (if ever) but to be honest, the end game is nakedness so who cares?
Spontaneuity is somewhat harder when you have kids, it’s not like you can have a lazy sunday morning roll, or an after lunch quickie is it?
Before kids, I might slip into a sexy number maybe light a candle or two something like that to let my husband know that it’s going to go down. After kids, he knows I’ve got big plans if I’ve shaved my legs, even then that can be a bit of a stretch, especially now it’s winter.
There’s also the fear the first time you “do it” after giving birth, will it hurt? will it feel the same? will it feel different to him? I’ve had two babies, two large babies (Luna was 9lbs 10oz!) both naturally in a very short time frame, while it’s taken it’s toll on my body in all sorts of ways, luckily, the Magic that is a Hooha means it really can stretch and go back to normal (provided you keep at those pelvic floors). If you’re yet to do the deed for the first time after a baby, or you’re pregnant with your first, my tips, relax, take it easy, if it hurts then stop and try again another time. My top tips for dads that are a bit blue down there, get up and do night feeds (if bottle feeding or expressing) if not then change the nappies, rock the baby to sleep, let her nap in the day, give her breaks, the more energised and like herself she feels the better your chances are of getting lucky, also the better your odds of her not suffocating you in the night with a pillow.
Sex after babies especially is a taboo subject, the main place i found it talked about was on the birth boards of the mummy forums I joined when pregnant with each girl. I found there was always one bragging about how she didn’t even graze with her 10lb’er and she was doing it a few days after her baby was born, then there were others who still haven’t 10 months after giving birth. I think it depends on how well you recover emotionally as well as physically, how supportive and understanding your partner is and how well your baby sleeps.
There are nights when maybe we are going to get a little frisky and then one kid wakes, and then the other (Coitus interuptus) and by the time you’ve calmed them down, the mood is well and truly gone and you’re shattered, not always I’ll add, interruptions like that are something you kind of adjust to I think.
Noises, oh noises, lets face it, no one loves a porn star in reality, but then it’s nice to let your partner know they’re doing a good job, or a very good job, depends on where you’re at. At the same time there’s that worry of “shit, lets not wake the kids.” Sometimes you do get caught in the moment (noise wise) luckily, so far neither kid has woken, Muj still sleeps in a cot as does obviously Luna so we haven’t had any wanderings in while mummy and daddy “snuggle”, I am awaiting that day and I promise I will update accordingly.
For me, sex since kids, it’s better, maybe it’s because it’s not as often because we’re tired which makes it more special, maybe it’s because I found my husband even more attractive seeing what a great dad he is, maybe it’s me accepting my body more and being comfortable in my own skin. We’ve also reached a stage I think where he has seen me at my very worst with labour and we can both laugh about it. I don’t agree with having a baby to fix a relationship, that will never work, but if you have a great relationship, and you withstand kids (especially the newborn phase) it does make things better, so long as you don’t stop trying, as sometimes, you become parent’s and the lovers/marriage thing gets left behind.
Oh and don’t listen to what everyone else says they did or worry about when or how much, do what works in your relationship and don’t worry about comparing figures.
Foof/Vajayjay/Hooha = *whipers* Vagina